He put this in a blog and was amazed at what happened.


Sorry.  I saw about 50 of those linkbait posts and it bugged me so I did one of my own.  I didn’t click on them but those just really, really bug me.  Call this link bait, call it a protest piece or call it performance art.  I just really, really hate those posts.

I don’t know why I’m writing this post.  Maybe it’s because the fire alarm went of for a few seconds at 3:00am.  Geez, fire alarm, if you’re going to startle me awake like that have the common decency to have something to check for.  It is easier to sleep when things happen for reasons you can explain.

Maybe that’s a life lesson.  Who knows?



JMeter Error in NonGUIDriver java.lang.NullPointerException


Was doing some JMeter testing today when I got this error.

./jmeter -n -t ~/test.jmx 
Error in NonGUIDriver java.lang.NullPointerException

I had a JMX file that I copied to a remote server where JMeter was installed, and running before.  But this time when I ran it I got the exception.  Seeing that it was a GUi (or non-GUI) issue with no context I figured it was a GUI issue.

Turns out it was not.  The JMX file referenced a class kg.apc.jmeter.threads.SteppingThreadGroup which is part of the Extras Set at JMeter Plugins.  So despite the exception stating that the source of the exception was in the NonGUIDiver class the problem was that the Extras library was not installed.  I copied the jar file into lib/ext directory and the load test ran fine after that.

Hash value sizes

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For giggles, here are examples of hashes for the SHA1, SHA256 and SHA512 hashing mechanisms.


echo hash_hmac(
) . "\n";
echo hash_hmac(
) . "\n";
echo hash_hmac(
) . "\n";



Have a good weekend.

indeyets/appserver-in-php · GitHub

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indeyets/appserver-in-php · GitHub.

Lukas Smith responded on Twitter to a posting of mine I made on this blog about the possibility of having a precompiled bootstrap in PHP that would allow large sections of bootstrapping code to be bypassed, including autoloading, class definitions and certain objects.

His tweet linked to the link above which solves the problem, but in a different way.  It requires a middle layer that needs to be running to process these requests.  I believe that I have thought about doing something similar using ESI locally  which did not work out so well since Varnish processed ESI requests synchronously.

I have not played with this library and I would prefer a solution that is closer to the engine and doesn’t add another layer.  That said, this looks like an interesting project that seems worth taking a look at.

How to use @funtil

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*update* I built a website to help with this.

@Funtil is a little tool I wrote that will tweet the number of days until a given event, once a day (give or take).  It tells you the amount of time until an event and it’s fun.  And it’s really easy to use and free.  Simply tweet something like this

@funtil, My Conference starts on Feb 24th, 2013 #newconference

@funtil makes sure that you notify the tool.  “starts on” or “is on” is a keyword.  Anything before that will be considered the name of the event and immediately following needs to be the date.  Trailing the date are any hashtags or anything that you want.  Tweeting that will make Funtil tweet something like

126 days until My Conference /via @kpschrade #newconference

It’s still pretty raw, but give it a shot.  Within a few minutes of tweeting your greeting being sent you should see a message like that.

Want to try it?

Event Name




Potty Training Baby Powder

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I would like to announce the immediate availability of Tobasco for Toddlers.  It is the diaper powder for stubborn children.  The way it works is that your child wears their diaper just as they normally would.  But prior to them putting it on you put a small amount of our special patented powder that is completely neutral until it comes into contact with any liquid-y substance.  Once the powder is activated it generates the same sensation as shooting a whole bottle of Tobasco sauce.  Your child is guaranteed ** to never potty in their diaper after the first instance.  It is the ultimate weapon on your fight against a stubborn potty trainee.


Here is a picture of the powder and it’s applicator.  (Glow not a photo enhancement).



**Guarantee is void if you are actually dumb enough to try this.


Weyland Industries powered by PHP

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It would seem that it is PHP that will be the dominant programming language in the latter half of the 21st century.

[root@li114-69 controllers]# HEAD www.weylandindustries.com
200 OK
Cache-Control: no-store, no-cache, must-revalidate, post-check=0, pre-check=0
Connection: Close
Date: Wed, 07 Mar 2012 01:03:48 GMT
Pragma: no-cache
Server: Unknown
Content-Type: text/html
Expires: Thu, 19 Nov 1981 08:52:00 GMT
Client-Date: Wed, 07 Mar 2012 01:03:48 GMT
Client-Response-Num: 1
Client-SSL-Cert-Issuer: /C=US/O=Entrust, Inc./OU=www.entrust.net/rpa is incorporated by reference/OU=(c) 2009 Entrust, Inc./CN=Entrust Certification Authority - L1C
Client-SSL-Cert-Subject: /C=US/ST=California/L=Los Angeles/O=Fox Entertainment Group/CN=www.weylandindustries.com
Client-SSL-Cipher: AES256-SHA
Client-SSL-Warning: Peer certificate not verified
Set-Cookie: PHPSESSID=2da4qt357qvk74n6f63mnjsbe7; path=/

Why are you part of a software community?

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I’m thinking about posting a poll in a couple of days about software communities and I’m looking for some input on some of the responses.  I have my set of possible responses, but I’d like some input before posting the poll.  So, if you have some ideas, please post them in the comments.

The question is

Why are you part of a software community?  or How do you participate in a software community?

Notice that I didn’t necessarily limit this to “open source”.  Clearly that’s a big part of it.  But there are a good number of robust communities that are not based around open source.  Adobe, Microsoft, IBM all have massive communities.  I know that for those of us in the open source realm that’s a little hard to understand (one of the reasons why I’m doing this), but it’s true.  Some of the ideas I’ve had so far…

  1. I like to provide input on the direction of the software I use
  2. I have some free time and I like to code
  3. The software helps me earn a living
  4. I am socially awkward and this is the best I can do
  5. I like hanging out with nerds
  6. I want to try new things that I don’t normally get to do

What about you?  Are there other responses I should put in there?

Uh huh

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This E-mail and any of its attachments may contain ****** proprietary information, which is privileged, confidential, or subject to copyright belonging to ******. This E-mail is intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed. If you are not the intended recipient of this E-mail, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution, copying, or action taken in relation to the contents of and attachments to this E-mail is strictly prohibited and may be unlawful. If you have received this E-mail in error, please notify the sender immediately and permanently delete the original and any copy of this E-mail and any printout.

Uh huh.  “Strictly prohibited and may be unlawful”?  “May” be unlawful?  I should send out emails to millions of random people and say “by reading this email you may be required to send me $1,000”.

What other “remedies” could I put in my email to millions of people?